A man and a woman, who have never met before, but are both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am,I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.
"Good," she replied. "Get your own f**kin blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
jokes
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jokes
i know what you said about my Momma
Re: jokes
THREE LADIES IN A SAUNA
Three women- one German, one Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm gettin' a fax."
Three women- one German, one Japanese and a hillbilly were sitting naked in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager," she said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear and talked quietly. When she finished, she explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The hillbilly woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The hillbilly woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm gettin' a fax."
i know what you said about my Momma
Re: jokes
A couple was invited to a swanky family masked, fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache! She told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the backseat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home; put the costume away and sat up reading when he came in.
She asked what kind of time he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced once. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life!"
feel free to leave a joke of your own
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided to go to the party.
As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed. So off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the backseat. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home; put the costume away and sat up reading when he came in.
She asked what kind of time he had.
"Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced once. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening."
"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad, apparently he had the time of his life!"
feel free to leave a joke of your own
i know what you said about my Momma
Re: jokes
A train hits a busload of Catholic schoolgirls and they all perish, god
bless them.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates,
and St. Peter asks the first girl, Tiffany, have you ever had any
contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, Well, I once
touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. St. Peter says, Ok,
dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, Jennifer, have you ever
had any contact with a male organ? The girl is a little reluctant but
replies, well, once I fondled and stroked one. St Peter says, OK, dip
your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is
pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front
of the line St. Peter asks, 'What seems to be the rush?' The girl
replies, 'Well if I'm going to have to gargle the Holy Water, I want
to do it before Jessica sticks her arse in it!'
bless them.
They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates,
and St. Peter asks the first girl, Tiffany, have you ever had any
contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, Well, I once
touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. St. Peter says, Ok,
dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.
St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, Jennifer, have you ever
had any contact with a male organ? The girl is a little reluctant but
replies, well, once I fondled and stroked one. St Peter says, OK, dip
your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.
All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is
pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front
of the line St. Peter asks, 'What seems to be the rush?' The girl
replies, 'Well if I'm going to have to gargle the Holy Water, I want
to do it before Jessica sticks her arse in it!'
i know what you said about my Momma
Re: jokes
I'll post a few more in time, feel. Free to post your own......
i know what you said about my Momma
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