Superflous

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Superflous

Postby Mickal Redwater » Mon Oct 19, 2009 9:19 pm

superfluous

I talk. Sometimes too much. Well, that’s an under-exaggeration. If you’ve spent a night with me you’d know I almost always talk too much.

Not in public of course. I’m afraid of public.

I like to watch the shadows play their games across the walls. I try not to affect them, I just let the headlights do their work and imagine fantastic things take shape. Sometimes I’m not so good at that last part, shadows can be lonely (they always leave when you need them the most).

I hope you don’t mind me talking. I bet you’re trying to sleep, but something inside of you wants to be polite, since we’re laying here together. I hope it’ll help you sleep, sometimes it helps me to sleep if I talk. Or if I pretend I’m not alone.

Most people never know what its like to cry tears of real love. Not those of a love lost, nor those of joy, but the tears of loving someone so much knowing that time is fleeting.

A pessimist would say time is always ’fleeting.’ Maybe an atheist or an existentialist would agree. Living is just the path to dying. Then what is love?

An optimist would say you have to remember the great moments in life. These are why you cry, because you have had them and no longer will. Wait I think that’s the pessimist talking again.

Optimists can be annoying.

I remember the exact moment I became so obsessed with love. The moment when something in my mind clicked and I thought “If I do anything in life, I know I will be a success if I have THIS feeling and even if I must experience THIS moment for myself, nothing will have been wasted.”

I have not had my moment yet, nor do I see it in my near future.

Do I bore you? Must I learn to shut my damn mouth and kiss the back of your neck so you can fall asleep in my arms (though I warn you, I’m a shifty sleeper). Talking is just my way of making the shadows slowly shift their way to dreams.

One of my favorite songs has a verse that goes "Could somebody show me the kind of affection that you only see in the movies, you know what I mean" You don’t want to know the rest of the lyrics.

The moment I was talking about, the one that made me believe in Love above all else (even my own life) happened when I was pretty young. My mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer and started Chemotherapy. Her hair started to fall out. My father decided to shave her head (she would later get a wig.) He took her outside on to our deck and took the buzzers (the ones he would shave our heads with as a kid) and started shaving her head. I watched through the screen door. They both cried. A lot. I remember thinking “How much must you love someone to do that. To be there for them in this hardest of time and cry with them, but never stop the act of defilement. The act that says
‘This may be the end, but I’m here for you always.’

That was the beginning of my new impression on life. I never looked at my parents again the same way. I cried more that day than I cried at the funeral.

Sometimes I forget to sleep. Talking doesn’t always help.

I’ve had my heart broken, many times. Don’t think you’d be the first. You will most likely never hear me say “I love you.”

I read an Ingrid Bergman quote once , “A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.”
How long can you talk when there’s no one to kiss you.

You go to bed at night, ready to dream of boundless wonders. Riches, fame, but in my case only love.

Yet I wake up every morning with a pillow by my side and a loud noise in my ear.
Lancelot: Would it not be a comfort, just for a time, to believe that we create our own Heavens, and our own Hells?
FEL forever
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Mickal Redwater
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Location: Middle of the Desert

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